Did you think of the Christmas song after reading the title of today’s blog?
It’s ok you can admit it. I did too! Those were the only two words I could think of to describe how I felt this morning.
Last night we were able to skype from our cell phone to my mom and dad’s computer! What a glorious gift that was! It was so amazing seeing their smiling faces as clear as day on my phone. It seemed like it was in HD it was so sharp. Having just those few minutes filled my half empty heart and I truly believe that because of THAT I have this feeling of comfort today.
As we got on the road, I opened my Bible and asked the Lord to bless me with the scriptures I needed to get me through the day. And wouldn’t you know that he most certainly did! I turned right to this verse that caused goosebumps to run down my arm!
“After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.”-Hosea 6:2-3
Brought tears to my eyes.
He’s with me and I’m so grateful for all he’s revealed to me on this trip…
I’ve realized that even though I’m a 32 year old married mother of two, I haven’t grown up yet.
All this time I’ve been so close to my parents and as wonderful as that is, its enabled me from being my own person. I’ve always sought after their approval and permission for everything I do in my life. Almost as if I need justification for all my feelings. While some of that is normal, some of that is not. The reality is that I have a family of my OWN that I’m responsible for. I’m a grown woman.
Wow! When did THAT happen?? Hahaha..
Most people go through a separation from their parents when they go off to college, get married or pursue a career far from home. Lucky for me (and my parents) none of those things ever required me to move away. Not many people can say that they were born, raised, started a family and retired in one city without ever living elsewhere, am I right?
Originally this move was all about raising our boys in a better place. But now I’ve come to the conclusion that I need this for ME too. To grow up, own my choices, decisions, triumphs and failures. God knew that some space was necessary for me to grow into the woman he’s designed me to be. Its vital that I know how to stand alone-apart from my parents and be ok with it.
Letting go is so hard.
I’m reminded of just how hard it is as I listen to my children watch Finding Nemo on our car ride. The part where Dory is speaking whale. Her and Marlin are hanging in the whale’s mouth…
Dory: “He says its time to let go. Everything will be alright!”
Marlin: “How do you know something bad isn’t going to happen?!”
Dory: “I don’t.”
At that point Marlin realizes that he has to let go to find out what will happen. He can’t hang on where he is and expect things to change.
He let’s go.
And everything IS alright.
As much as I hate to admit it, all my tears of sadness were for the loss of that safety net. The safety net that that little girl inside me felt and clung to with mom and dad near by. Now is the time for me to stand on my own, spread my wings and be obedient to my heavenly father.
“Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. So you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills…and you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.”-Deuteronomy 8:2-10
The Lord rewards obedience.
Even with my fresh wounds his rewards have already begun. One of the first being the gift of hope.
Something I didn’t have two days ago.
I feel like His righteous hand has wiped my tears and tilted my chin to the sky. I can sense him saying, “It’s time to rise up. Your future awaits and we’ve got work to do.”
As we pull into Lower Brule tonight I’m filled with the joy of arrival, the comfort from California and the hope for all my tomorrows to come.